How To Be Something You Miss
by My Wonky Socks
Summary: Inspired by the song Last Kiss by Taylor Swift, but not really a song fic. Jess/Becker OneShot


Jess opened the door to her flat, her body hyperaware of the presence behind her. He stayed close to her, a hand on her lower back as they went inside, just that mere touch, sent shivers up her spine and a wave of heat traveling through her body.

"You don't have to do this you know," she emphasized for the hundredth time.

His hand grasped her shoulder and turned her to face him, she met his eyes and found them filled with worry and concern and an emotion she couldn't quite place. He brought the back of his hand gently down the length of her cheek, the touch was gentle, intimate, and she couldn't help but close her eyes under it. The reactions her body had to the simplest touch from him was bewildering still to her, but when he touched her like this, her entire body became a live wire, shivering in pleasure.

"Jessica," he started, his voice soft, emitting a different kind of pleasure all its own, "You could have died tonight…" she could barely see his face in the darkness of the flat, but the moonlight reflected enough of his features to where she could see his eyes close, and his features become pained, "Had I lost you…"

Jess reached up and took his face in her hands, "I'm right here, you didn't lose me, besides…I wasn't the one on the pressure pad," she responded, her voice breaking slightly at the thought that it was her who'd almost lost him.

He brought his forehead down to rest against hers, Jess' breathing hitched at the sudden nearness, and the feel of his breath mingling with hers. She moved her hand from his face and trailed her fingers down the back of his neck, feeling the bristling of short hairs scattered there under her fingertips.

"Jessica, this can't…happen," he said pulling away.

Her face filled with hurt and confusion as she waited for him to continue.

"What…can't happen?" she asked, her voice a near whisper.

"Us," he said closing his eyes, "Jess…I love you, but I can't afford a distraction, it's too dangerous, for me, for you, the team." with that said, he walked over, kissed her on the top of the head and left.

She stared after him, even as the door closed, silent tears caressing her cheeks.

**Becker**

When he got to work the next day, the first thing Becker noticed was that a lab technician was at the ADD, not Jess.

He immediately headed to Lester's office and entered without knocking.

"Please, do come in." Lester said sarcastically.

"Where's Ms. Parker, she's supposed to be on duty this morning." he said, trying to keep his professionalism in tact.

"Ms. Parker is taking vacation time, she offered to wait until I could get a temp, but she looked like she needed it, so I told her I'd get a lab tech to fill in."

"Of course, just wanted to make sure nothing was wrong with her." he said turning to leave.

"Oh and Becker, one thing, I'm not sure what you did to upset her, and I'm only assuming it was you being your normal idiotic self, because she wouldn't talk to me about it, but if you ever cause her pain like I saw in her eyes this morning, I will injure you."

"Yes…sir," he said, before leaving the office.

He'd forgotten about the father/daughter bond the two had forged. He went to the armory and tried to busy himself with this and that, but it was to no avail.

Jess had left because of him, because his words the previous night had cut her like a knife, and seeing him would only reopen that wound over and over again. He loved her even though he shouldn't, even though it was dangerous, and having her gone was incomprehensible torture.

**Jess**

"_I do recall now the smell of the rain, fresh on the pavement, I ran off the plane. That July 9__th__, the beat of your heart, it jumps through your shirt, I can still feel your heart."_

It had been seven days, she'd gone to visit some high school friends, and get away from it all for awhile…it hadn't worked. She'd thought about him constantly, wondered how long it had taken him to realize her absence.

She stepped off the plane, her eyes searching the crowd for Connor, who was supposed to be picking her up, instead she found the last person she'd expected, Becker. Her heart began racing and forgetting everything, she took off at a dead run, and leapt at him.

He opened his arms and caught her easily, lifting her off the ground in a strong embrace. She wrapped her arms around his neck and held him to her as tightly as she could. Safe, she felt so safe in his arms, she wished she never had to leave them. She loved the closeness to him, the smell of the rain on his skin, and the feel of his heartbeat against her chest. They finally broke apart and Becker slid off his button down shirt, putting it around her shoulders to keep her shielded from at least some of the rain.

"I'm sorry, I did what I did Jess," he said finally, taking one of her hands in his and rubbing circles on the top with his thumb, causing Jess to shiver with pleasure.

"I missed you," she whispered, meeting his eyes.

"So did I…" he said, his brown eyes conflicted.

"It doesn't change anything though does it?" she asked, glancing away.

"Jess…"

She put her finger to his lips, "Don't," she said, she knew if he started with excuses and explanations she would end up crying, something she did not want to do in front of him.

"_Now I'll go, sit on the floor wearing your clothes, all that I know is I don't know, how to be something you miss."_

Jess walked into her flat and sunk down to the floor against the door as soon as it was closed.

Why had he come? Just to torture her? She pulled his shirt, which she still wore, tighter around her, inhaling his scent. The tears came without her permission, washing over her pale cheeks.

"I just want you to miss me, to want me…to need me like I need you," she whispered to no one.

A knock on the door caused her to jump from the floor, wiping at her eyes furiously, before opening the door. There was no help for the tear stains on her face, she just hoped whoever it was, didn't ask questions. Becker was standing there, his eyes roamed her face and seeing the pain there, his face transformed into a mask of hurt and anger, before she could even open her mouth to say anything his lips were crushed against hers.

She gasped in surprise, before kissing him back, his lips hard and insistent against hers. Everything in her said to pull away, tell him she was tired of his mind games, but she couldn't, she wanted this so badly. He pulled away, his hands trailing through her hair, and down her neck.

"I don't know how to do this Jess," he murmured, closing his eyes briefly.

"Do what?" she asked quietly, brushing her fingers across his cheekbones.

"I don't know how not to hurt you, how to keep you safe…" he said, his voice torn.

"Becker, what do you mean, I'm fine," she soothed.

"Jess, your feelings for me almost got you killed, if it wasn't for the fact you cared about me, you would have never been near that flat when Ethan left that bomb!"

"And you would be dead right now!" she exclaimed, wishing she could make him understand that she couldn't even fathom her life without him in it anymore.

"Jess, that's exactly what I mean, it shouldn't matter to you if something happens to me! My job is to protect the team at all costs, even my life!" he cried.

This side of Becker scared her, she'd never seen him lose his composure this way, break down.

"Becker, even if you walk out that door right now, it will still matter to me if you die," she said, cupping his face in her hands, "I love you, nothing you can say will change that." she whispered.

His eyes searched hers briefly before he brought his lips back to hers.

"I can't fight this anymore," he murmured against her lips.

"Then don't," she said, meeting his eyes, a fierce passion blazing in her own.

His lips met hers again with an intensity that left her breathless. They were both pouring everything they had into it, and the combination was dangerous. She felt his hands begin to travel along the curves of her body, his touch, even through her clothes, made her whole body feel like it was on fire.

She couldn't suppress the quiet moan that escaped her lips. He slipped his tongue into her open mouth, and she brought her mouth around it, sucking softly, as her fingers began working over the buttons of his shirt.

"Jessica, I don't want to rush this," he said, pulling back.

"You're not, Becker, I want this, I want you," she said bringing his mouth back to hers.

There was no turning back after that, clothes were shed rapidly and their bodies connected. How many times had she imagined being with him this way? No matter how many fantasies she'd had, nothing compared to this, to the feel of his mouth on her lips and skin.

Even the smallest touch from him had always had the ability to send shivers through her body, but this, this was unbelievable, every part of her body seemed to have become sensitized to his touch, more than usual.

When she woke the next morning, it took her a minute to remember he was there. A soft smile played at her lips.

"Becker," she murmured sleepily.

"Good morning beautiful," he replied, kissing her forehead.

She smiled up at him, "So no more mind games right?"

"No more games, I'm yours for as long as you want me."

She pressed her lips to his, "Then I hope you don't mind sticking around a long time, because I'll never not want you."


End file.
